Grateful for Lockdown

Hi I’m Krissy, the host for the Women’s Recovery Hour All Inclusive Meeting. Some of you may know off Twitter as @Muddagoose1911.

Before this lockdown happened last year I was hosting 5 fellowship meetings a week. I live in a smallish town so the attendance was pretty much the same week in week out. Don’t get me wrong I will always be eternally grateful to the meetings and people in them, they give me hope, love and support they helped me every step way get sober and maintain my sobriety.

I knew something was lacking in my sobriety but did not know where to look or what I was even looking for. I did feel the support for women in sobriety was not there, we would chat at break or the end of the meeting, but we were still hiding our struggles and not using the mixed meetings to share with each other or build trust and friendships.  This is also hard to when you’re the only woman in the meeting and there are 35 men. So against the grain I went and fought for women’s meeting with the support from another lady in sobriety the meeting happened.

I was excited and the fire in me had been relit for recovery. The first meeting there were 2 attendees but we persevered and kept going within 4 weeks there had been at least 10 newcomers and a handful of regular attendees. Here was my inspiration, my drive, my friendships, my truth and trust in my faith that the fight was worth it.

But I still had a niggling feeling that I needed more than another meeting, my sponsor and I had disconnected. I was starting to feel isolated from my programme, and I was still doing all the things suggested but with no drive, no passion, and then something incredible happened LOCKDOWN.

The whole nation went into lockdown. No meetings, no work, no anything. Oh my word my head felt like it was going to explode, sheer fear of not having the support I had been using as comfort blanket had been taken away from me. Now what? I was so full of fear and desperation I asked for help on Twitter asking ‘how are people maintaining their recovery and how can I stay sober’? A wonderful lady reached out to me and suggested I tried a Recovery Hour All Inclusive Recovery meeting.

My head was telling me this was not what I needed for my recovery. What on earth am I going to get from it, but my programme kicked in told me to stop being selfish and making the world revolve me, get to the meeting and do what I can to stay sober, someone had answered my plea for help now take it.

Wow it was like a thunderbolt had struck me; it was exactly what I bloody needed. I had being living sober but not recovering from anything, here was an answer to a prayer and what better time than in lockdown to embrace this and put myself on path of self-discovery. I cannot explain to you how much this has been a gift for me. I have been  working  on so much healing, self-love and acceptance, prayer and meditation took a whole new meaning. I trusted my H.P on a deeper level of love and self-honesty also dare I say it started to love myself. What a novelty that is. I started the meetings shy, hating the camera, not very confident, not wanting to join any other zoom meetings, but within lockdown my confidence has grown. I share openly and honestly regardless of what my head tells me. I always have my camera no matter what meeting I attend, I don’t hide today.

I have started two courses that I would never dream of doing. I’ve found things that I can do for myself without the need for depending or waiting on others, I have cried good honest tears of hurt of gratitude and of empathy for others.

The women’s Recovery Hour is my home group. It has given me so much love, trust and friendships, it’s a safe place for us all to share however we are and whatever we need to share on in safety

We have topic meetings these can help us with our self-worth, confidence, relationships. There is no judgment, no clicks, no gossiping.  It is a bunch of ladies giving each respect trust and honesty to be ourselves and to be loved. It’s exciting and connecting women from all over the world with the wonders of Zoom, Instagram and Twitter.

I shall always be grateful that lockdown happened and that I reached out and put myself out there out there in the world of Twitter and the recovery posse became my recovery family.